Embarassing Stories About The Lads

From this article:

We decided to ease you back into school with some more great School Stories. This time, we have TWO stories! Twin Atlantic’s Craig Kneale, and Barry McKenna discuss their most memorable, and embarrassing school experiences.

My worst high school experience would have to be when I got hit in the head by a Conker in 1st year when I was about 12. We had these massive conker trees in front of our school and in the Autumn, all the Conkers would fall within the grounds. It’s kind of inevitable that objects lying on the ground will be used as weapons by people who like throwing things. So I was already kind of in fear of being hit by one of these round projectiles as I’d seen some of my friends struck on the battlefield.

One instant I saw one coming towards me and ducked and it crowned someone right in the mouth – it was not pretty.

So perhaps this cowardly duck made me ripe for a Conker to the head in the eyes of Mr. Karma? Whatever the reason, I was indeed completely “conkered” walking through the play ground a couple of days later. It came from nowhere – BOOM. Direct hit to the forehead. I didn’t even really know what had happened until a massive big ball lump started to grow directly above my eyes. And it got stupidly big! It looked like I may have had a new eye growing out, but the bullies of the school preferred to say it was a dick growing out my head. Hilarity! I did, ashamedly, call in sick for the next week while I waited for the growth to… ungrow.

The lesson learned? Conkers can make you appear to have a penis on your head. Fact.

Craig Kneale
Twin Atlantic, Drummer
September 2009

During my final year at high school, sitting in my final year chemistry class, I made a truly stupid mistake. The class was silent with each student working on some sort of chemistry related problem, although I can’t remember what it was. (Nor for that matter, if I learned anything in that class.) So if your reading this and thinking about studying chemistry: well, don’t! It’s pointless and you’ll forget it all one day. Unless you become an actual chemist… then that’s okay, you’re allowed.

So back to me being a twat. I must have been having a good chemical day since I was first in the class to finish the solution, upon which I raised my hand and prepared the speech part of my brain and in turn my mouth, to produce the word ‘Sir’ to tell my teacher I had finished the chemical based task.

Unfortunately, this word decided to evade me at this exact moment in life, and to this day I don’t know why my brain decided to choose the word it did as a replacement. A Freudian slip perhaps, but nonetheless, that day, across a silent chemistry class, I raised my hand and to my wee baldy mustachioed teacher shouted the word ‘DADDY’ !!!!

Fuuuuuck! Stupid brain! And no, he’s not actually my dad.

I was mortified and the only thing more embarrassing than that was the slightly pervy and unprofessional answer from my teacher: “I’m glad your mum finally told you!” Cheeky motherfucker!

So thanks to my moment of insanity and his moment of inappropriate wit, the rest of my time in that class was, needless to say, very uncomfortable.

Barry McKenna
Twin Atlantic, Guitar/Vocals/Cello
September 2009

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